Normalizing “No” to Networking Meetings [Opinion]

A couple years into owning my own business, about the same time it started to have traction and grow, I noticed something: Everyone wanted to have coffee. Whether it was a legit, “Let’s meet downtown at this or that coffee shop,” or a virtual chat, I suddenly felt in high demand. My network of friends participating in lead-generation groups skyrocketed, and it felt like I was the go-to referral. The problem was that the requests were not from prospective customers… they were from people in my own field, trying to grow their businesses or start a nonprofit consulting business. Dare I say the word??? Yes, I’ll dare. In the market sense, they were competitors.

If you’re about to leave a comment about this not being a zero-sum game or the pie being large enough, please pause and read on. I agree with you.

The good thing about these meetings was that I always liked the people I was meeting with. I have the coolest network! Seriously. I feel like the genius factor in even my outermost circle is wild. The bad thing about these meetings is that I had no time for them. Not because I don’t want to uplift others or share ideas. Not because I feel I’m above or past them. I don’t have time for them because I am busier than any human should be, and my focus is on growing my business and being there for non-business-related network and family. And yet, I kept saying yes. 

Yes to…

“I just want to pick your brain,” or 

“I’d like to learn more about how you grew your business,” or…

“I think we’re working in a similar space,” or…

“We’re starting a network of consultants who will work together to grow each other’s business.”

At one point, I was taking 1-2 of these meetings a week. Hours that my brain should have been working on client matters. Hours that I could have gotten caught up to free up more time at the end of my day. Hours I didn’t have to spare. 

Did I gain anything from these meetings? You bet. I honestly have enjoyed most of the people I’ve met, and several are now go-to referrals for Nonprofit Nav. The primary referral I received from these meetings, however, was referrals for more networking meetings. And, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that. Think through your past year: the Zoom calls, the coffee dates—what came of them? Perhaps some of these new connections like your LinkedIn posts, and that’s a win, but other than the digital support, did they lead to any meaningful business relationships? 

Experience with an individual (for me) is fundamental for a strong referral. 

I can’t refer to you when I don’t know you. The referral I can give someone following a one-time meeting usually sounds like this: 

“I met so-and-so via a virtual connection last week and was very impressed with their (hopefully, something was impressive:-). They work in the _____field, which I thought might be a fit for your organization at some point.” 

Pretty vague. Not sure I’d bite on that if I were on the receiving end. And, after countless Zoom calls and awkward “who buys the coffee?” moments (FYI…the inviter should always buy), here is my epiphany: It’s not wrong, uncollaborative, or unkind to say “no”. I have said “no” to networking a lot over the past month. Will I regret this when things slow down? Maybe. Maybe not. I train my clients to look for Return on Investment (ROI) in all they do. Does that not apply to networking? I think it should.

Stewardship of “Yes”

A very wise friend recently reminded me: Every “yes” is a “no” to something else. It’s not impolite to turn down a meeting. It’s perfectly fine not to join a cohort of those in your same field when you’re busy on your own. It is not an indicator that you’re uncollaborative or overly competitive. Passing on a chance to mentor someone getting started is okay. In fact, it’s completely appropriate if your heart is not 100% in it. We all need to exercise careful stewardship of our yes. 

For those who are scowling at my lack of interest in collaboratives, coffee chats, convenings, and all the other C-words tied to coming together rather than competing: Don’t misjudge. I am for you. I am for you in the sense that I think more expertise is needed in this field. Your experience is VALUABLE. I want to see it leveraged to help others. We all have seasons when networking is not the best use of our time. Culturally, that needs to be more acceptable. 

Avoid Punting. Normalize No.

“No” is hard. It can be awkward and, at times, offensive (although, as the paragraphs leading up to this explain, it should not be). The easy way to deliver a “no” is to remove emotion and decline based on a scheduling conflict, travel, or some other non-negotiable logistical reason. The thing is, that is punting. It’s communicating “not right now, but soon,” which is misleading. Here are some of the responses I’ve taken to using when declining to network. 

Evaluate Intention (why do they want to meet?)

Thanks for getting in touch! Can you tell me a little more about the purpose of the meeting? My schedule is pretty full at the moment, so I’m being intentional about what I add to my calendar.

Responses

It sounds like you’re doing some really exciting work! I wish you all the best and look forward to following your progress on LinkedIn. As mentioned, it’s a particularly busy season right now, so I’m not taking on additional networking meetings at the moment.

Congratulations on the momentum/getting started/a great idea! I’ll be cheering you on. It’s a full season for me right now, so I’m pressing pause on networking meetings for the time being.

The Nonprofit Nav Playbook

For those starting out, seeking to grow, or considering entering this field, no meeting is necessary. My playbook tends to shut down a networking call faster than you can say “zoom,” but it’s pure truth. Here is how I grow Nonprofit Nav: 

1. Prayer. Including a network of those praying for me.
2. Really hard work. All-nighters, weekends, all the things rife for criticism on boundaries. We were committed to this venture as a family, and we own the sacrifices we made. It’s not for everyone.
3. Every experience over the past 20+ years of my career. I cannot transfer that to you, but you have your own experiences to build from. 
4. Careful stewardship of my “yes.”

It is not uncollaborative, narrow, or overly competitive to say “no” to more meetings. It is a bit counter-cultural and, undoubtedly, someone will have opinions for me based on this blog, but for this season, for me, it works. A large network doesn’t equate to more satisfaction, success, or meaningful connections…Sometimes, it’s just more meetings. At this stage, in this season, I choose a smaller, intentional, and trusted circle. Now, that said, if you’d like to grab a glass of wine and talk about fashion, travel savings, countering the effects of being 40+ or anything else under the sun…I’m your girl.