This blog has taken me longer to write than any other, but it has been pure joy and a welcome diversion from some long days. It may seem like a silly topic, and if you landed on this link looking for professional advice, you’re likely to consider googling away; however, I’d encourage you to stay. You’re likely to know some, if not all, of these movies and if you’ve been in the nonprofit sector for a hot minute, you’ll probably identify with the quotes and lessons they teach. Life lessons aren’t exclusive to church, books, or higher education; sometimes Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can deliver an aha moment from the comfort of your couch.
Success is Not About Longevity
Steel Magnolias (1989)
An organization I was working with recently was entering the recruitment process for a new executive director. Their previous director had performed remarkably well, but had only stayed three years. As they navigated next steps, they reached out to a recruiter who advised them that “Three years of outstanding is better than ten years of status quo.” Amen…and, where have I heard that before???
I’d rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
– Shelby, played by Julia Roberts | Steel Magnolias
Shelby is the protagonist in a story about a multi-generational group of women in the South. Shelby wishes to have a child, but has been cautioned not to do so due to having juvenile diabetes. Spoiler Alert: She proceeds with having the baby and dies soon after. Her quote suggests that she knew exactly what she was doing.
I’d say both Shelby and the recruiter have it right. Not every leader is playing a long game. What matters is leveraging your skills and experience for the ultimate benefit of the cause you’re serving. That might take twenty years, or it might take three.
You Never Know Who Someone Will Become
Pretty Woman (1990)
I’ve been a waitress many times over, and I’ve also worked as a receptionist, wearing a dictaphone headset for hours, typing away. Now, I can appreciate the value of that work and what it taught me. I type quickly and can articulate a business letter on almost any topic with efficiency and ease. Thanks to my waiting days, I can (if need be) balance three plates on one arm. I can also, unfortunately, recall times when those positions or others’ perceptions of those positions cost me respect. Now, many years into my nonprofit career, I remember times when those who initially wouldn’t give me the time of day or see my potential eventually asked me to hire them or help their child or spouse find a job. And trust me…I want to respond like Vivian in Pretty Woman. I long to remind them of the moments they saw me as less, and top it off with the admonition, “Big mistake. Big! Huge!”
Big mistake. Big! Huge!
Vivian Ward, also played by Julia Roberts | Pretty Woman
Pretty Woman is the story of a prostitute, Shelby, who enters into an agreement with a wealthy businessman to be his companion for a week. As part of the deal, he asks her to buy “nice clothes,” which she attempts to do at a boutique on Rodeo Drive. Still wearing her “working” clothes, she is denied help by the boutique staff and is asked to leave. The next day, after an assist from a friend with getting a beautiful new wardrobe, Shelby reenters the boutique and reminds the snooty sales girls who she is and lets them know they made a “Big mistake. Big! Huge!”
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit has helped me bite my tongue in most regards. When someone disregards or diminishes you, they do not know who you are or what you will become. And, you don’t know who they are (what they’re dealing with) or who they will become. As punchy and satisfying as the quote from this movie is, the lesson is to simply value everyone at every step of the journey.
Stop thinking small (town)
Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
A Chamber of Commerce employee in my hometown once told me I wouldn’t experience real success until I left the community. Perhaps it was the irony that a local Chamber representative was giving me that advice, but I never forgot it. Locally, I was the girl who used to lead this or that organization. Locally, my success was viewed as “luck” or “good timing.” Locally, every conversation ultimately led to someone innocently reminiscing on a mistake I’d made or an opportunity I’d missed. When I eventually did start working with organizations outside my home turf, everything was different. The world opened up.
I’m grateful for that very insightful Chamber of Commerce employee and for the opportunity to enjoy many aspects of my hometown while still pursuing big dreams.
You can have roots and wings…
Jake Perry, Played by Josh Lucas | Sweet Home Alabama
Sweet Home Alabama is about a woman named Melanie who grew up (and fell in love) in Alabama, but ventured to New York City after her marriage fell apart. Shortly after entering a new engagement with a prestigious (and oh-so-handsome) fellow, she realizes she must return to Alabama to complete the divorce from her first husband/first love, Jake. While there, Jake explains to her that she can have her life in New York and still love things and people at home by saying, “You can have roots and wings, Mel.”
You need to win over your supporters…again and again and again
50 First Dates (2004)
Donor and member attrition rates would plummet if we all accepted that we had to re-win their loyalty and support over and over and over and over again. There is no guarantee that a supporter will remain loyal to your cause. One of the most dangerous feelings you can achieve in any field (but especially development) is that you’ve arrived and can coast.
In 50 First Dates, Henry falls in love with Lucy, a woman who suffers from short-term memory loss. Basically, her mind resets each night. Henry attempts to win Lucy’s affection each day and eventually learns that he can’t simply use the same gestures or actions to win her affection time and again (despite her brain trauma, she seems to prefer variety). So, he has to get to know her! It’s the same with those who support your cause. The more you know about those who support you, the more ways you have to reach them and ensure their support for another year.
Trust and Trying Can Be Mutually Exclusive
Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)
We’ve all experienced this… You pull back, stop trying, and BAM! The thing you were hoping for happens. The donor calls! The members sign up for the event! Was it all your cumulative effort finally adding up? Maybe. Or, it could be that the feverish approach to trying was working against you. I’m not saying don’t try—In all you do, do it to the best of your ability. But then trust it is enough. Let others be drawn to you or your organization’s reputation for excellence and consistency. Chasing is exhausting. The hard sell often leads to even harder relationships.
When I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.
Katherine, Played by Lindsay Duncan | Under the Tuscan Sun
Under the Tuscan Sun follows the story of Francis, a recently divorced woman trying to emerge from her despair by moving to Tuscany. There, she meets several interesting characters who support her journey, one of which is Katherine. When Francis becomes desperate about her situation and desire to meet someone, Katherine shares with her, “When I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”
It’s Always Personal
You’ve Got Mail (1998)
You’ve Got Mail is the story of a small bookstore owner, Kathleen, who is being put out of business by Joe, the owner of a mega bookstore being built around the corner. Little does she know that the owner of the mega bookstore, her archenemy, is also a man she’s been having an online romance with. At one point in the story (when Joe has discovered Kathleen owns the small bookstore he’s putting out of business), Joe explains that his mega bookstore is a matter of business, not a personal attack on Kathleen.
Whatever anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
Kathleen Kelly, Played by Meg Ryan | You’ve Got Mail
There’s a story I’m tempted to tell tied to this one, but it’s so egregious and cold that I’m concerned it would harm the organization where it happened. Let’s just say it involved a poorly worded and timed letter, which makes it a great fit for this analogy. I literally “got mail” that changed my life. Whenever you deal with anyone—be it in a negotiation, a hiring or termination conversation, a performance review, or simply in watercooler conversations—you are dealing with a person, much like you, who deserves the same care and concern as you expect for yourself.
No harm will come to your business, and certainly none to your reputation by being kind. Let me be absolutely clear—you risk nothing by honoring others. Is it worth it to behave any other way?
Working within Your Purpose is Pure Joy
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
I saved the best for last. When Harry Met Sally is a film about two unlikely friends who ultimately fall in love after many years and trials.
Like Harry, we don’t all realize what we want in some epiphany moment…Sometimes, it’s a slow build. It can take years of being just close enough to something to finally, one day, realize it’s really where we want to be. For others, it’s only when we lose something that we know it was what we wanted all along.
The point is, when you do realize your purpose, you want to begin working in it immediately.
When you know what you want to do for the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start right now.
Harry Burns, Played by Billy Crystal | When Harry Met Sally
